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First day as mum’s full time carer and wishing I was dead

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Anyone know how to meet local carers?
I am drowning here .
my mum is bedridden due to left side paralysis and with brain deficit .
she was a strong independent loving woman until that day in March when mum suffered a hemorrhagic brain stroke.
Life support, coma, rehab and today first day back home.
Everyday my sister and I have been going and staying with her since March and doing her personal care and now I find myself moving in with mum and petrified of a grim future.
Mum needs 24/7 attention , hardly sleeps and constantly needy.
I’m tired.
Carers come and just do a nappy change and off and it’s not even done with kindness and gentility.

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