I feel lucky in lots of ways, but caring is hard and I sometimes feel like a lot has been taken from myself and my partner. My partner (they/them) has ME/CFS, FND, and a couple of mental health conditions. I was talking to them today about the idea of getting engaged, not straight away, but thinking about what we would want that to look like. We’ve been together for over 3 years and I’ve been their carer for around 2 of those years depending on how you look at it. I feel like I’ve made all the commitments of a married person - sticking by the person I love through sickness and health, and living together - but my partner and I are missing out on some of the best bits like being able to have adventures together, get engaged, go on holiday, or plan things for the future.
I’m 21 and sometimes I feel I’ve skipped ahead. I see things I’d like to do and think ‘that’s not wheelchair accessible’ or ‘that’s too high-energy’. I know I could do these things by myself, and I try to have my own life, but I want to share these experiences with my partner. Then I feel guilty for wanting things that aren’t in my partner’s best interests right now. While we were talking, my partner said (sensibly) that we won’t be able to get engaged until their health is a lot more stable. I understand, but it feels like we are stuck in limbo, putting off a long list of things we want to experience until things change - which could take months, years, or forever.
Can anyone relate at all?
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