Hi,
We’ve been married for 15 years. My wife asked for a separation (completely surprising me - I thought we had a good enough marriage) around July last year. I moved out and she then had a mental health crisis around October, resulting in her family arranging a stay for her in a private psychiatric hospital using her work BUPA to pay for it - she was in for the maximum 45 days covered. I’m not sure the hospital was that great for her to be honest.
She’s never exhibited any such mental health issues before - she’s in her mid 50’s. The initial diagnosis was severe depression with anxiety.
While this was ongoing I visited her as often as I could, and also arranged moving back into the house anticipating caring for her when she came out, and also not being able to afford to run 2 households (anticipating she would lose her job). I never once thought that I shouldn’t support her.
On discharge she came home but the NHS crisis team (who were great) recommended she went back in to an NHS facility as she was asking me to help kill herself and had ordered rope online. She later said she didn’t mean it but of course they couldn’t risk it. As a result she went into an NHS psychiatric ward but was discharged 2 weeks later (end of January), as they determined she had a psychological issue, not psychiatric. Not 100% sure what that means.
My wife often seems to be like a child. She thinks I can magically “fix” her - keeps on asking me to do this, and that no one else can, so no point to medication or talking therapy. She stopped taking the medication she’s on at the moment but has started taking again. I have managed to get her to start talking therapy too, but again seems precarious.
I really struggle setting boundaries with her. She says she gets very scared if I leave the house, so at the moment I just manage to get out a few hours a week to go to gym classes. I’ve booked a week away for myself and her family have agreed to take her for that time, but she’s extremely resistant to this. I know she gets genuinely scared, but I’m starting to feel burned out.
If she had her way we’d become hermits as she’s isolated herself from friends and family.
Have others had any experience of people they care for thinking only they can fix them ? Any advice on how to walk the line between caring / supporting and being assertive ?
2 posts - 2 participants