Hi - new here, hope everyone survived Christmas and all the added pressure. I have a daughter aged 16 with complex mental health problems which means she finds doing pretty much everything very challenging. We got her an EOTAS placement, which involves a 1.5 hr round trip 3 days a week. I’m lucky to have my husband’s help some of the time, but she doesn’t like him taking her as she feels more comfortable/ less anxious with me. She also requires a lot more support at home than a ‘normal’ 16 year old with bouts of debilitating severe anxiety, panic attacks and depression, and she has no friends due to her inability to attend school/college or socialise. I have a good job/career that I don’t want to give up,not just because of lost earnings but also because I need to have a purpose other than looking after her. Over the last year I’ve slowly slipped into a terrible work-life balance, feeling completely overwhelmed and finding it difficult to focus, working more and more hours each week thinking that somehow I’d get on top of my work load but instead getting further behind. I’ve been late for and missed meetings because my daughter’s needed me or just because I’ve been so distracted. I had my annual review a couple of weeks ago and my manager basically gave me a dressing down, saying he thinks he’s being flexible (but everyone has responsibilities, he has children and still manages to keep on top of work), and I’d not had a successful year. I did send him an email the next day, which was meant as a appeasement so was half saying I accepted the areas he’s been specific about, but that I would like more feedback and perhaps if that bad then I need training/coaching, and then half explaining that my daughter is actually disabled and I am her carer (he knew she needs extra support and has panic attacks but probably not that she’s registered disabled). I am just really struggling with what I can expect, because from his point of view he needs someone who is 100% focused on the job and replies instantly to any questions he has, so why should he be any more supportive? It’s not like this is a short-term thing, my daughter may need this level of support for many years. And I don’t want him to think I’m not able to work full-time (as part-time isn’t an option). I just don’t know how to broach it now as he didn’t reply to my email but I feel a conversation needs to be had.
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